Sorry for being so rubbish

Crushed for 23 years...

One of my friends recently described herself as a 'dirty old bag' because she fancies the same guy as her 6 year old daughter (Troy from High School Musical if you're interested, he's quite dishy I must admit) which led to a bunch of us discussing our girlhood crushes. Most of the guys who came up didn't have staying power - the lead singer from Showaddywaddy, Rick Astley and Julian from the Famous Five (wtf?) were all mentioned - which got me to thinking (get me, Carrie Bradshaw) have I had the longest crush in history? The reason I ask is this picture:


still makes me feel quivery inside. In 1985, in the run up to Live Aid, I remember being so moved by this scruffy Irish guy and his humanitarian efforts, and I don't think it's ever gone away. I look at that picture and I feel 9 and not 32. I think it's the fire in his belly that does it for me.

The nearest I have come to actually meeting the object of my 23 year crush is being in Hyde Park at the same time as him during Live 8, but it wasn't the intimate occasion of my fantasies! I once served Paula Yates and his daughters ice-cream from the Thorntons on Kings Road during one summer break from University. My husband has come a bit closer and sat next to him and his girlfriend in the Dome Cafe one Valentine's Day (sadly my husband was with an ex-girlfriend at the time and not me).

I do think these girlhood loves are so special and they shape the person you turn into. So, thanks Bob for helping me through many boring hour, for the wedding that never was, for never escaping from my mind, and for never blending into obscurity. I never could have kept up my crush on Luke Goss in quite the same way!

My goals:

1. Jogging: I've been doing it. It's fab! I can't believe I haven't done it sooner. It's such fun, and really makes me appreciate where I live (right next to the Thames). My head feels clearer, I feel I'm doing something for me, I'm healthier already.
2. Weight: hasn't really decreased, but I'm hoping it will as a result of 1.
3. Flat: it's a disaster, no one wants our flat. Damn credit crunch.
4. Housework: I feel like every thing is slotting into place just lately, and the flat is cleaner and tidier than it has been for ages.
5. Finances: things aren't too bad here either. We're keeping on an even keel even if there isn't much (any?) surplus at the end of the month. Not exactly living the high life, but living within our means which is a lot less stressful.
6. Career: nothing to report.
7. Friends: good, have been quite sociable of late! Spending this weekend at a BBQ / sleepover and then cheering on a friend who is running the marathon (she reckons she's doing 6.5 miles an hour - imagine!).

Funny C story of the week. Some line dancers came on telly, which she though was hilarious and danced along with them. She must've noticed their cowboy hats because she went and got her little wooly hat and made me put it on before carrying on copying them.

Life's good!

Race for Life...

I, average Jo, have entered the Race for Life. I know this doesn't seem like much, but right now I doubt I could walk 5k, never mind run. But run it I shall. If you want to sponsor me (for Cancer Research UK), my justgiving thingy is:

http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/averagejo

Don't forget to gift aid.

Mwah. I might even post a picture of C and I coming over the finishing line (yes, she's doing it too!).

Plastered!

In December 2002, I was on the phone to my mother early evening, and said 'right, I have to go now Mum, I'm going out to get plastered'. She was rightly appalled by my terminology, but it was true, I was going out to a Russian Restaurant which had a vodka menu, I mean, come on, there is a certain expectation there is there not?





Sadly, my borsch went cold, I drank too many shots - honey vodka, strawberry vodka, cherry vodka, the-strongest-vodka-on-the-menu, you get the picture. Slightly befuddled, I went to the loo where my 5 inch heel got caught on a spongey floorboard and I fell, badly twisting my ankle. My friend came out of the loo and picked me up, oh, how we laughed. I went back to the table feeling somewhat whooshy and decided to have a lie down under the table. I don't remember anything until the next morning. My friends would have to tell you about how they tried to get me to walk up and down the road in an effort to sober me up!





The next morning, I woke up to go to the loo and fell straight over. My husband (then boyf) thought I'd had a stroke. My right foot looked like I was wearing black socks. I wasn't! Long story short, got to A&E was taken straight through to x-ray, when the x-rays came back the nurse called over all his colleagues so they could ho-ho-ho about it. I had a bimalleolar fracture. Was told I needed an operation to put plates and screws in and if I didn't have it I would never walk again. Stayed in hospital for a couple of weeks, successful operation. I was discharged on Christmas Eve (much to my husband's horror, he had to dash around M&S grabbing ready food to stick in the oven the next day. As I'm a veggie, and he's not, he had to buy a turkey dinner for one and got some very pitiful stares!).





I was on crutches for 3 months and it took a good 6 months before I could walk in anything like a normal manner. They told me that I'd be able to run up the stairs after a year, so a year to the day after, I went out to the communal stairs and ran up them!





Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this (apart from the important lesson I hope you have picked up - do not get lashed whilst wearing 5 inch heels - I guess everyone already knew that though didn't they?) is that this week I went running! It just goes to show you. When I was having those weeks of bed rest / on crutches / walking with bizarre gait, I never, ever thought I'd be able to walk normally never mind run, yet it wasn't until I was half way through my run that I remembered that my leg might actually prevent me from achieving what I want to from running. Which is a shame because I loved being out in the fresh air, running alongside the river, nodding at the other runners (and none of them thinking I was a freak!). I guess I just have to see how it goes and think about all the professional footballers who come back within a season after having plates put in their bodies.


Total tangent to tell you a sweet thing: when I went off for my run, I could hear C crying for me in the flat, and R trying to distract her. When I came back, I didn't have my keys so R had to buzz me in. I saw our front door open and a little body came storming out with her arms up for me to pick her up, but she still had an angry little face to let me know she wasn't impressed with missing Mum.

A reply

They replied:

Dear Joanne,

We take on board your specific comments regarding girls and boys being portrayed through our toys. It's very important for us to achieve a balance, we agree that girls should be encouraged to develop an interest in construction, science and engineering and that it is equally important for boys to be given positive, caring messages as well as action and activity messages.I'm sorry that you feel that we have failed to meet your expectations with the Rose Cottage. Please be assured that your comments have been passed to the relevant departments for their information and consideration during the next product review.Thank you for taking the time and trouble to contact us regarding this matter, your comments are very much appreciated.

Kind regards,


I'm sure this is just a nice way of saying 'oh, get a life you stupid cow!' isn't it?

So I'll try!

Disgusted of Mortlake

When did I become the sort of woman who sends this to a well known high street toy shop?:


Dear Sir / Madam

When I gave birth to my daughter in 2006, I had hoped she wouldn't be exposed to the negative gender stereotyping I was bombarded with growing up in the 70s. My husband came home on Good Friday with my daughter's Easter gift - Rose Cottage, part of the Happyland range (we've been collecting it for her for a while, and have previously been very satisfied with all items).

We were very disappointed with the text on the back of the packaging - so Mrs Barley makes sure everything is neat and tidy around Rose Cottage does she? And the little girl likes to stay home with her teddy while the boy likes going out playing with his train - come on E*C, get with the times!

Joanne


I just about managed not to include the words 'appalled and disgusted' in the text - but only just. Although I am indeed, appalled and disgusted, it does make me wonder whether any of it really matters. My friends and I were all brought up, as I said, bombarded with negative images of women (especially the country's leader at the time!) and we've all turned out OK. Most of us have been educated at university, most of us have had 'good' jobs and some of us (ahem) have even chosen not to go back to them when we've had children. Being a full time mother is the most challenging and rewarding job I've ever done, so why is it so undervalued? Why does my blood boil at the suggestion that that's 'all' my daughter can aspire to?

I don't have the answers. I don't imagine anyone does, but from now on, I'm proud to be a SAHM!


I'm not going to run through my goals, as I'll depress myself hugely! Will try harder.

Cara's high chair antics

Not a Crafty Mum

This week I've found being a Stay at Home Mum (SAHM) somewhat 'trying'.


Some mornings felt like hours long whinge fests and I started to question whether it was me C was bored with and whether she'd be better off in a nursery :( I asked some of my friends what their children did at nursery and I have to admit my heart was sinking when they told me about cooking, sticking, painting, play dough etc. In an ideal world, I'd be happy to do those things with C, but we are living in a smallish flat with only one room for our living space. I can't imagine being happy for it to be covered in paint and how do you stop a 16 month old from eating playdough?

Being a dutiful mother though, I went and bought a pack of craft stuff. I know! We can make a Valentine's Day card for Daddy! As a control freak, I spent the whole time resisting saying 'NO! Not there, that looks ridiculous. Look, just straighten out that heart, it's WONKY!'. I say resisting. I didn't resist when she started pulling the stickers off and tearing the card :) Not altogether an enjoyable activity then (for me, C looked quite pleased with herself, and R was chuffed when he got the card!). I could've kissed the friend who later told me of a playgroup around the corner which has all these 'craft' activities for older toddlers to do while you stand around drinking coffee with the other mums. Mwah!

The following day, I stumbled across an online discussion about teething. A woman with a similar aged toddler asked whether teething could completely change their personalities. A resounding 'yes' from the rest of the forumites. It could turn sunny natured, chilled out babies into whinging, clingy, bossy little things who burst into tears for no obvious reason, which pretty much summed up my girl this week. And now I came to think of it she does have her fist in her mouth a lot and looking in her mouth, there are the tale tell white lumps under her gums. Feeling like a complete plank, I gave C some Nurofen to see if that cheered her up.

Within half an hour I had my old C back. Lively, affectionate, fun. Yay! That evening I was in the kitchen making dinner while she played with her plastic food on the living room floor. Suddenly I could hear her calls becoming more persistent 'Doe, Doe, Doe' (Jo, Jo, Jo - she doesn't call me Mummy) so I went to see what was going on, expecting to be passed a doughnut and brocolli sandwich but found her sitting in her high chair! Much hilarity ensued when I asked her how she got in there. So I got her out and asked her to do it again. See above video.

Quick run through of 'my' things then:

1. Jogging. R came into the bedroom the morning before Valentines Day 'Happy Valentine's Day darling, here, have the trainers you ordered from ebay.' Who said romance was dead? Still haven't got C's buggy sorted, but did walk/run back from Marks' in the Maclaren the other day when she was whinging (again) so have started the pre-training.

2. Weight. The same. Vast.

3. Flat. Goes on the market TODAY!!! Eek. Quite scared.

4. Housework. Have frightened myself with my virtue in this area this week. It's so much nicer living in a clear, uncluttered environment, and not really that much extra work once you get into it. Why don't we just live like this the whole time? No need to nag either, since R has been making equal effort in the kitchen.

5. Finances. Nothing to report really. On a tight month, so have been quite good!

6. Career. Nothing to report.

7. Friends. It turns out the cock up in my last post wasn't my fault - hurrah! Also, two friends I haven't seen for ages have contacted to arrange a meet up so looking forward to those. The next few weekends are tied up with family, so I'll just have to do social stuff in the week. It's hard old life! Being a SAHM has many advantages, even if I can't remember the last time I left the house without a massive bag!

Oh dear!

Last night I had a stark reminder of just how much of a wally I can be - do other people do this kind of thing?

I called my Dad for an update on my Grandad (who is ill in hospital right now) and somehow managed to get onto to subject of Maternity Rights for Women who Work. Big mistake. While I can see my Dad (and apparenly Alan Sugar) had a point - it must be a pain paying two people for one job, and irritating when you don't know if people are coming back full or part time and even worse when they come back from maternity leave already pregnant with a second child, I don't really see the alternative.

My Dad is not a sexist man - he made a point of bringing up three daughters to believe they could do whatever they wanted to do - surely he would agree that women should be able to work if they want to? He works in a career heavily dominated by women, and the type of work which is easily compatible with a family, so surely paying women for a couple of years out of the 30 or so they will work in their life is a small price to pay? It's the babies who suffer most otherwise.

A (male) friend of mine moved to a new job a few years ago, heading up HR for a Housing Association. He did an audit on maternity leave and discovered that many of the hourly (ie. low) paid staff were returning to work as little as six weeks after giving birth - some after c-sections! - because they couldn't even afford to lose the 10% drop in pay that Statutory Maternity Pay allows. Of course, most of these staff were also the ones doing menial work such as cleaning so lugging around vacuum cleaners, buckets of water etc.

Anyway, I was ranting thus to my father, who was reciprocating - we are both rather good at pontificating - when my husband noticed steam coming out of my ears and said 'Don't forget to ask your Dad about xyz....' which closed the subject.

Ten minutes later I hung up the phone and said to my husband 'You would not believe what he was saying...' blah blah rant... a few minutes later my husband's mobile rang in his pocket. 'Erm, tell Jo she hasn't hung up properly and I can hear every word she is saying...'

In the words of my daughter 'Oh Dear...'

A quick update on my list:

1. Jogging. Have resolved things with the ebay cock so can fix wheels on pushchair. R has agreed to buy me trainers for Valentine's Day (although I'm hoping he'll forget about the Valentine's Day bit and just buy them for me). You won't see me for dust soon.

2. Weight. Still the same, although my lunch was rather meagre. I can't claim any virtue for that since it's only because I still haven't gone to the supermarket.

3. Flat. R and I did some amazing work on the flat yesterday. The living room, kitchen and hallway look fab. Just the bedrooms now.

4. Housework. Kind of linked to above, haven't done anything today though. Haven't seen husband to nag either.

5. Finances. Nothing to report.

6. Career. As above.

7. Friends. Should've met friends for lunch today, but couldn't get hold of them in time to let them know my plans, so missed out. Must be more organised and persistent when people don't return my messages (turned out they hadn't got them :().

Don't want to finish on a bad note though. Things are going well today! Blogging is great fun.

Probably the Most Boring Blog on the Internet

As I say, don't expect to be gripped by this blog. I'm a very average 32 year old surburban housewife (sorry, Stay at Home Mum!). In a former life I worked in the voluntary and public sector supporting vulnerable people to continue to live in the community. I had lots of jobs, from filling in benefit forms for housebound elderly people to training social workers in how to assess people and for two years before I had my daughter, I worked on a freelance basis doing consultancy to a range of agencies. I miss the human contact often - being incurably nosey, it was a great job for me!

Unusually for a wooly liberal, I do have a great sense of fun. I try to see the funny side of everything I do, even if it doesn't come until later. There are a few things I have never seen the funny side to. One is the time my husband 'lost' the tickets to our honeymoon meaning we spent two days stuck at Heathrow Airport, only for them to turn up in his work bag a few months later - oh, how I laughed.

I thoroughly enjoy crawling around after my daughter pretending to be a cat, chasing her around the park, singing the wheels on the bus at the tops of our voices, breastfeeding her to sleep in the rocking chair every evening and choosing her little outfit every morning (and after lunch, and various other stages of the day when she's spilt four tons of rubbish over herself). I fecking loathe tidying up 63,246,892,569 times a day, and living on a main road in London. I'm hoping this improves in the next 18 years or so. Meanwhile, I'm delighted I enjoy being a mum, especially since I've never been particularly keen on other people's babies. It took us 3 years to have a successful pregnancy, and even then it was a tough one (see R's blog at http://www.myspace.com/rorythedaddy) so it's a good job I got the best baby in the world (for me) in the end or I'd have been mighty pissed off:

I decided last night I want to record my progress in various elements in my life:

1. Jogging. I need to start jogging. To start jogging I need to buy some trainers. I need to fix my daughters pram so she can come with me and I need to resolve a dispute with an ebay seller (aka Cock) before I can do this!

2. Weight. I need to lose weight. The best way for me to do this is to get on with my jogging (or never eat cake). See above.


3. Flat. We need to sell it and buy one (preferably a house) away from a main road, with a garden, and with a bedroom far from the front door (if it's a flat).

4. Housework. I loathe it. I need to either get more organised and get on with it, or get a cleaner. And stop nagging my husband.

5. Finances. They are not as bad as they have been, but I am still allergic to checking my balance (feel quivery and sick at the thought) and opening bank letters. This must improve, I am OLD and it's not good to throwback to the student days every time I hand my debit card over - will it go through? - especially when there is plenty of money in the account (or rather overdraft).


6. Career. I'm very happy being a Stay at Home Mum right now. Very happy indeed. I am working towards doing some kind of development consultancy /coaching / mentoring in a later life. Very hazy plan, but I think I could use some time now to read around the subject etc.

7. Friends. I have lots of friends (even some 'online' friends), but I don't see them enough. We all seem so busy right now, but I'm determined that this year we will do more together. I think they all still like me!


This blog will also feature:

1. Husband. R, was born October '66. Calm, collected, compasionate and emotionally literate. Sometimes so laid back it's really fucking irritating! Feel like I'm being a Good Mum to his child, which I guess is an important characteristic of a Good Wife, but on the whole I'm pretty shit at balancing the wife / mother thing. I'm knackered and stroppy and sometimes being upbeat and jolly for my daughter all day takes its toll and I'm an impatient old cow by the time he comes home!


2. Daughter. C, was born October '06. Beautiful. My inspiration really. Really want to be the best I can for her (and help my husband to be his best too). I thought it would be nice to monitor her progress in life too. Right now, she's a complete whirlwind, and she lights up any room she walks into (whilst relentlessly destroying it!).

3. Mother. Mum, born sometime in the Dark Ages. Very supportive and kind. Slightly off the wall in a quirky kind of way.

4. Father. Dad, born even earlier than Mum, also very supportive, very clever and knowledgable about a range of issues, and always right, even when he's wrong, maybe even especially when he's wrong.

5. Sister. E, lives in Sydney, has one son who is 6 months older than C. She is very beautiful and savvy.

6. Sister, K, lives near Mum and Dad. Also has one son who is 5. She is also very beautiful and clever.

7. Brother, D, lives at University and doesn't have children, but does have political aspirations beyond his years.

Will introduce further characters as they come up. Reckon that's enough for now.